This is a short essay that was part of an assignment in my online course, Grammar & Composition, which I’m taking via the Virtual Access Academy, a program within the Optimal Access non-profit organization.
Getting lost in my head is something I struggle with every single day. I am autistic, meaning that my habits, communication, and behaviors seem inexplicable to others, even though they make sense to me. Having autism means that I am constantly at war with my brain, leaving me a victim, rather than a victor, most of the time. I almost have to hate my autism to wrest control from it. Not hating it means that I am in its hard grasp, letting autism control all my thoughts and movements. I live within this battlefield every day of my life.
Having autism, however, does not mean that everything is hard. I am determined to achieve my dream of getting a college diploma and creating a network creator. I envision creating an online reality where people like me are not limited by their autism.
I have stopped counting the steps ahead of me, though, and instead focus on the moment I’m living in right now. I love my mom with all my heart. The thing about autism is that it sucks up so much oxygen, leaving little breathing room for her. Maybe one day I will have the opportunity to make her proud of me, translating my hidden world into something she can understand, making all of this worthwhile.